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Small revelations
Jun. 20th, 2008 07:43 pmI think I know why I keep such a messy house. I'm watching an episode of Oprah where they are talking with children and their reactions to divorce. They say that if you don't speak to your children properly about divorce, it can damage them forever. I'm only 20 minutes in, but it got me to thinking about my parents' divorce.
They divorced when I was 5. I don't remember my parents ever speaking to me about their divorce. I vaguely remember arguments. I remember my mother saying bad things about my father, mostly money related and such. I don't remember what my dad said about my mom. Can't ask him his perspective either, since he's dead. But my mother kept a very clean house and she was always after me about how I kept my room and when I left messes around the house.
My mother lives in an abusive situation. She won't admit it because she is conditioned after being with the man for 29 years. But the way she holds control over her life is how she controls her home. She hardly allows the place to be messy at all. She's almost anal about it. Whenever she comes over here to my place, she will pick up the bathroom or do dishes or pick up garbage. She doesn't say it much anymore since I am 37 and all, but she used to always say "I didn't raise you this way." My response was always "it has nothing to do with how I was raised. It's just who I am."
What is truly the truth is I just don't care about messes. They don't bother me at all. Not one whit. Ok, if something is really grungy and gross, I will clean it. But generally speaking, messes don't bother me. Why? Because MESSES AREN'T IMPORTANT! What you do to live your best life is important. How you treat other people is important. What you do to improve your inner self is important. What you do to help the earth and her inhabitants. THAT is what is important in life, not how you keep your house.
So, I will be messy until I die. I clean when the mood strikes me, but I will not spend hours a day cleaning my house when I have many other better things that I can do with my time. Life is too short to worry about a messy house. VIVA LA MESS! HA HA HA!
They divorced when I was 5. I don't remember my parents ever speaking to me about their divorce. I vaguely remember arguments. I remember my mother saying bad things about my father, mostly money related and such. I don't remember what my dad said about my mom. Can't ask him his perspective either, since he's dead. But my mother kept a very clean house and she was always after me about how I kept my room and when I left messes around the house.
My mother lives in an abusive situation. She won't admit it because she is conditioned after being with the man for 29 years. But the way she holds control over her life is how she controls her home. She hardly allows the place to be messy at all. She's almost anal about it. Whenever she comes over here to my place, she will pick up the bathroom or do dishes or pick up garbage. She doesn't say it much anymore since I am 37 and all, but she used to always say "I didn't raise you this way." My response was always "it has nothing to do with how I was raised. It's just who I am."
What is truly the truth is I just don't care about messes. They don't bother me at all. Not one whit. Ok, if something is really grungy and gross, I will clean it. But generally speaking, messes don't bother me. Why? Because MESSES AREN'T IMPORTANT! What you do to live your best life is important. How you treat other people is important. What you do to improve your inner self is important. What you do to help the earth and her inhabitants. THAT is what is important in life, not how you keep your house.
So, I will be messy until I die. I clean when the mood strikes me, but I will not spend hours a day cleaning my house when I have many other better things that I can do with my time. Life is too short to worry about a messy house. VIVA LA MESS! HA HA HA!
