I just can't do it! Tonight was the clincher. I cannot, in all good conscience, bring a child into this world!
We watched most of "Super Size Me" in health class tonight. I was absolutely SICKENED by how the corporate world, of food manufacturers especially, target youth so horribly! The thought of having to work so hard to shield a self-produced child from all the toxicity of the world makes me shudder. I can't do it. I can't do it to my unborn child. Not when there are so many other children in the world that need my help.
Children are bombarded by sex, violence, pop music, evil marketing ploys, child predators, drugs, and a plethora of so many other things that can rot and destroy a small mind, not to mention the current governmental climate. (yechhh) I can't limit what I have to offer to just one or two children that may or may not come out of my womb. Cause you know what? Every child that lives on this earth came from my womb. Each child on this earth is a part of me. Too many children in this world, in this country, in this state, in this city, need my help. If I can make a difference in the lives of the children I meet, even if it's just a huge smile that makes them smile, then I have fulfilled part of my purpose in this life. I am here to share my heart, my love, my soul, with the children and people I meet. And then those children can make a difference in the lives of the people that they meet, and so on, and so on.
I don't know exactly how I will be able to accomplish what is set before me, but I know I will before I leave this earth. This all started a couple years ago with a dream. I was a school bus driver and had taken a group of children to the science museum. One small blond girl was walking amongst the garden and I left her there to walk back towards the bus. The group was gathering getting ready to go and no one could find the girl. I knew where she was so I acquiesced to go find her. I was a little put off that I had to go get her cause I wasn't in charge of the children. I got back to the garden, but she was gone. However, I knew where she was. The plants had taken her under the earth. I reached down into the dirt and got her out. I cradled her in my arms and ran back towards the bus. The plants rose out of the earth, became anthropomorphic, and ran after us. I ran into the building and tried to lose them. Eventually I did, so I looked down to see how the girl was. She was no longer a girl. She was now a child psychology book.
When I woke up I threw my hands up in the air yelling "What!? Why do I have to be in charge of the kids?! Now I have to learn psychology?! What's up with that!?" You know how those prophetic dreams are.
So, yes. I will be childless (technically speaking) for the rest of my life. But you know what? I think that is an even trade because there are far too many children on the earth already that need my help. I will be the one to reach down into the earth, to where they think they have died, and bring them back to life again. It must be done, no matter how hard it may become. I have to, I have no other choice. Now I just have to figure out exactly what that help will entail. Most likely I will become involved in a Non-Profit that benefits children in some way, but I also know I need to learn Alcohol and Drug counseling for a reason, even if it's just to use that knowledge in day to day life. Even if I can only help one child at a time, that is one child that will go on to effect so many more people than I could ever reach in a lifetime. good. that feels much better.
Prophecy fulfilled. So Mote It Be.